2003 Oxford dictionary - New meanings
1. Divorce: Future tense of marriage.
2. Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.
3. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"
4. Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
5. Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
6. Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water power...
7. Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.
8. Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
9. Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.
10. Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
11. Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
12. Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
13. Etc: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
14. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
15. Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
16. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
17. Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
18. Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
19. Opportunist: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
20. Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
21. Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
22. Father: A banker provided by nature.
23. Criminal: A guy no different from the rest...except that he got caught.
24. Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
25. Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
26. Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills